No Bath Tonight

by Jane Volen


PARTS: (4)   NARRATOR 1         NARRATOR 2            JEREMY          GRANDMA
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NARRATOR 1:  ON MONDAY, JEREMY MADE A FORTRESS IN THE SAND. IT HAD 3 TOWERS AND A MOAT. IT HAD A
             POINTED STICK AND A SEAWEED FLAG. IT HAD A DRAGON TRYING TO GET IN AND 2 KNIGHTS 
             TRYING TO GET OUT. IT HAD A KING.

NARRATOR 2:  JEREMY STEPPED ON THE KING. IT MADE HIS FOOT HURT.

JEREMY:      MY FOOT HURTS!

NARRATOR 2:  SAID JEREMY TO HIS MOTHER WHEN IT WAS TIME TO GO TO BED.

JEREMY:      NO BATH TONIGHT!

NARRATOR 1:  ON TUESDAY, JEREMY PICKED BERRIES. HE FOUND 153 BLUEBERRIES. HE ATE 97. HE FOUND 13 
             OLD RASPBERRIES. THEY MADE GREAT INK... SQUISHED!

NARRATOR 2:  HE WROTE HIS NAME ON HIS PALM. THEN HE SAT DOWN ON A PRICKER BUSH.

JEREMY:      IT HURTS THERE...

NARRATOR 1:  SAID JEREMY TO HIS FATHER AT BED-TIME.

JEREMY:      NO BATH TONIGHT!

NARRATOR 2:  ON WEDNESDAY JEREMY PLAYED BASEBALL AND TRIPPED OVER HOME PLATE, AND HURT HIS NOSE.

JEREMY:     (WITH PLUGGED NOSE) MY DOSE HURDS!

NARRATOR 1:  SAID JEREMY TO THE SITTER AT BED TIME.

JEREMY:     (WITH PLUGGED NOSE) DO BADT TODIGHT!

NARRATOR 2:  ON THURSDAY JEREMY PAINTED DINOSAURS. HE ALSO PAINTED HIS TOES, ONE KNEE AND HALF 
             AN ELBOW. HE WAS GETTING READY TOPUT AWAY THE EASEL AND IT SNAPPED SHUT ON HIS 
             FINGER.

JEREMY:      MY HAND HURTS!

NARRATOR 1:  HE SAID TO HIS FATHER AT BED TIME.

JEREMY:      NO BATH TONIGHT!

NARRATOR 2:  ON FRIDAY JEREMY HELPED MOW THE LAWN. HE STEPPED ON A BEE; IT STUNG HIM.

JEREMY:      MY BEE STING HURTS! NO BATH TONIGHT!

NARRATOR 1:  ON SATURDAY JEREMY MADE A SANDWICH WITH A KNIFE. HE CUT HIS FINGER.

JEREMY:	     MY FINGER HURTS. NO BATH TONIGHT!

NARRATOR 2:  ON SUNDAY JEREMY'S GRANDMOTHER CAME FOR A VISIT AND THEY HAD TEA.

GRANDMA:     LET'S LOOK IN THE TEACUP AND READ THE LEAVES.

JEREMY:	     I CAN READ PRINTING BUT I CAN'T READ LEAVES.

GRANDMA:     I'LL TEACH YOU BUT FIRST I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO READ KID LEAVES.

JEREMY:	     KIDS DON'T HAVE LEAVES.

GRANDMA:     COME UPSTAIRS AND LET'S MAKE SOME KID TEA.

NARRATOR 1:  GRANDMA PUT JEREMY IN THE TUB.

NARRATOR 2:  THE WATER BEGAN TO CHANGE COLOR.

GRANDMA:    (STUDYING THE WATER) I SEE YOU MADE A FORTRESS IN THE SAND, PICKED BERRI-ES, SLID 
             INTO HOME PLATE, Hmmmmm, PAINTED PICTURES,  (PAUSE)  AND, OH, YES, YOU CUT YOURSELF.

JEREMY:	     YOU FORGOT ONE THING, THE BEE STING.

GRANDMA:    (PAUSE WHILE AGAIN STUDYING THE WATER) OH, YES, (POINT AT WATER)   THERE IT IS,
             UNDER THAT SOAP BUBBLE.

NARRATOR 1:  SHE LET OUT THE WATER IN THE TUB AND IT LEFT A RING.

GRANDMA:     I ALSO SEE CLEAN CLOTHES, A WALK IN THE PARK, AN ICE-CREAM SODA, AND A LONG, LONG
             STORY AT BEDTIME, AND ...

JEREMY:      AND WHAT, GRANDMA?

GRANDMA:    (SMILING) NO BATH TONIGHT!